Recently, I came across an article written by Jessica Semaan, a psychology writer and Stanford business grad whose pieces have gained attention recently because she tends to writes about topics that people are scared to talk about.
5 Surprising Buddhist Lessons to Absorb
1. The Surprising Effect of Asking Why
When you are attracted to someone, and before taking it to the next level, ask yourself why. More often than not, when you are attracted to someone, you are actually attracted to a quality they posses. You wish you had that quality in yourself. So instead of clinging to the idea of being with that person, you should cultivate that quality in yourself.
2. The Importance of Slowing Down
You should be more mindful of every encounter and conversation you have with the person you're currently enjoying. The foundation of true love starts from getting to know someone on a deeper level, by understanding and accepting the person for who they are organically. This shows you care, which ultimately shows you respect them.
3. Manage your Anger, Not the Relationship
One feeling we naturally have as humans is anger. Before lashing out, and I am guilty of this - or maybe even hiding your feelings, you need to excuse yourself. Take a bath, go on a walk, work out. Ask yourself for time off. Really evaluate the situation. Think about it in like three different angles.
4. Stop Thinking you Need to be in a Relationship to Love
You've probably read it a million times, but you truly need self-love. Instead of forcing yourself to find the next guy, make your relationships with your parents, friends, classmates or coworkers stronger, more genuine.
According to Buddhist nuns, there is zero difference between this kind of love and what we refer to as long, lasting romantic love. When you start loving yourself, you become more authentic, better version of yourself. You are then a better partner to be.
5. Stop Feeding into your Craving for Romance
We are constantly consumed by love songs, Facebook marriages, or relationship goals like Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds. These main sources feed the craving for the type of expectations we have for relationships. You lose yourself when you keep forcing the idea of you needing a relationship. This in turn leaves us heartbroken. We underestimate the power of what we passively consume and how it effects our desires.